yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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