Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
