Define "chronic" masturbator.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
