he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
