its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
