I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
