R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
