i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
