then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize