he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
