Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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