Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
