on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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