im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
