Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to fling myself into the sun
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
