You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
