just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
