Screwed.edu
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
