girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
