this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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