The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
