Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
