I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
