HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
