so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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