please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
