i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
