I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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