I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
