Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
