if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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