my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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