If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
two words...techno handjob
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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