Soap is not a condiment
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
