People with herpes should wear stickers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
