I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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