Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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