i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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