She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
