Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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