i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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