if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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