You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
