just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
