I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
