Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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