so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
