Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
