I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
