do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
