what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
