I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
