Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
NoShamevember. You game?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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