He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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