You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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