apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I didn't notice because vodka
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
