Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to cum in my sink.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
