is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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