Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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