I didn't shave. On purpose
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Girls should come with a carfax report
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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