just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
