I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
